i can't kill myself today
 
I can't kill myself today -
Too many things have been left unsaid,
The truth is still locked away in my head
And I don't want to take it to the grave with me.
But then I don't want you to 
Use it against me for the rest of my life.
 
I can't kill myself today -
What if they were right
And God really does condemn us?
Maybe he'll send me to hell.
Maybe hell exists.
Probably I'll like it there.
 
I can't kill myself today -
What if you didn't miss me once I'd gone?
I'd have to come back from the grave
And sing I will Survive,
Act like a prick to get a cheap laugh,
Lessen my insecurity.
 
I can't kill myself today -
Because you still don't know me.
But perhaps I'll write a poem 
about it instead, or a play -
Feed others the lines
That I so desperately want to say.